What's Your Problem?

A couple weeks ago I was at the grocery store with the girls. Rebecca was having a hard time, talking back and misbehaving. As we were leaving the store, I pulled her aside and asked her, "What's your problem today?" Here immediate response was, "You!" This was a little shocking to me. But it has really stuck with me. How often are the problems I am having with my children's behavior really of my own doing? Are they displaying developmentally appropriate behavior that I am overreacting to? Am I reacting to what they are doing, rather than taking the time to really think about how I can help teach them appropriate behavior? I remember listening to a talk given by a family therapist where he said that most of the disagreements at the dinner table are caused by the parents. How many times do I say, "Sit down, don't use your fingers, quit playing, just eat, etc." during dinner? How can I change my response to teach rather than just nitpick?

Yesterday I saw a note Rebecca had written on the dry erase board. It said, "No one likes me. Everyone hates me. Read now." What a sad thing to read. I hurt that she feels this way. I know this is pretty typical behavior-- I got in trouble so I am not loved. But am I spending at least as much time reinforcing her good behavior and telling her how much I love her as I am correcting and criticizing? Again, yesterday afternoon we were at the grocery store. Joseph went to sleep as we were driving there. I asked Rebecca to push the cart so I could carry Joseph and get the items we needed off the shelves. As we were shopping, I really paid attention to how I interacted with Rebecca. I noticed that even as I was so grateful for her help, I heard myself asking her not to play with the cart, be careful not to run into people or displays, wait for me-- you get the picture. When I noticed what I was doing, I stopped and reminded myself that she was doing great. I had done many of the same things as a child that she was doing now. And the store was pretty empty, so it didn't matter if we were going down the middle of the aisle.

Rebecca, I want you to know I do love you. You are a wonderful daughter. I appreciate how obedient you are. You are amazingly helpful. You are willing to do anything I ask. You are kind to your brother and sister. You are developing a great faith in our Heavenly Father. You are intelligent. You are a good friend. I would do anything for you. I would sacrifice anything for you. You are a beautiful daughter of God, and I am so grateful to be entrusted with your care. I will try to be better at commenting on the good you do, and be more sensitive to correcting you. Please forgive your mother for making mistakes and being human, too.

BT Denver Team Picnic

A couple weeks ago we got together with Jack's team from BT to have a picnic. We usually do something like this twice a year, but this time it was more significant since the group is in the process of being broken up and sent to work on different projects. Jack has worked with this group of men for over two years now. They have been able to travel to the UK together and have fun as well as work hard.

Well Child?

This morning I took Joseph in for his 2-year Well Child Check-up. I planned on this being a quick yes-he's-got-allergies trip. Here is how it really went.

The nurse took us back to the exam room, had me undress him, and started her exam. She used an ear thermometer to take his temperature. When she pulled on his ear to take the reading, he started screaming and it took me several minutes to get him calmed down. Not a good sign. His weight was up to 22 1/2 pounds (almost on the chart!) and his length was 33 1/2 inches, right on the 25th percentile. Then the doctor came in. We visited for a few minutes, answering the standard questions. Then she looked in his ears. Well, his tubes have fallen out-- recently enough that they are still stuck in the wax in the ear canal. And he already has an ear infection in his left ear. Not good news. Oh, and he has allergies. Start him on Zyrtec. Then we waited 15 minutes for the nurse to come back with his immunization. Finally I went and found someone to give it to him.

So we got to spend half an hour waiting for the prescription for the ear infection to get filled, always a good time with three kids who have already been waiting at the doctor's office. Miriam was very helpful in finding the Zyrtec. Unfortunately the kid's stuff is in a glass bottle. She felt horrible for breaking it and getting it all over her clothes.

On the drive home, I felt like crying. I had just had a very stressful morning. I decided that my emotions fell into four categories. Relieved: At least I know why he's been so fussy and upset about everything. I was anticipating being told to see if it was from the allergies... Guilty: This poor baby has been walking around with an ear infection for over a week, based upon how long he has been fussy. I should have trusted my instincts that something was wrong instead of relying on the doctor's word that I would find the ear tubes when they fell out and would therefore know when they had come out. I assumed that since there was no pus coming from his ears, he couldn't have an ear infection. Frustrated: What happened to my miracle surgery? Everyone I had talked to whose kid had tubes put in, the child never had another ear infection. It is supposed to work that way nearly all the time. Why is he the one who gets another ear infection so quickly? Grateful: I am grateful to live in a time when there is something to be done about this problem. Had we lived 100 years ago, my sweet Joseph would be deaf by now! I am trying to have the feelings of relief and gratitude outweigh the guilt and frustration. I'll keep working.

Memorial Day BBQ

This year we had our first annual Memorial Day Barbecue. We wanted to have a time for all the family who lives close to us to come up and visit together. This year Dad, Michele, Jacob and Ann came up from Fountain to visit(Katie's dad, stepmother and siblings). John, Linda, Jennie and Cyrus came down from Loveland (Jack's parents, his older sister and her son). Julie, Will and Sebastian came from Fort Collins (Jack's younger sister, her husband and son). We had a very nice time visiting with everyone.

Joseph got a few presents since his birthday was last week. He decided Grandpa Crews needed to help him open them.

Miriam is playing T-ball with Grandpa Mike. For some reason, she wants to bat left-handed.

Cyrus and Rebecca had a contest to see which one of them could shove the most Cheetos Puffs into their mouths at once. Cyrus won by getting two in there.

Will is great with the kids. Here he is holding Joseph in his right arm and Sebastian in his left.

Joseph and Sebastian were helping each other play T-ball. Luckily, no one was hit with the bat hard enough to cause injuries.

Jacob and Ann made the trip up. They played with the kids, and then enjoyed playing their video games.

Rebecca is always a little mother. She wants to pick Joseph up all the time. So Sebastian got to enjoy her attention while he was here.

Here Michele, Linda and Jennie are visiting after finishing up lunch.

Old and Young

I recently finished reading a book that explored the special relationship between a young girl and her elderly grandfather. I was reminded of how common it is for the very old and very young to be drawn to each other. It is almost like they can somehow help each other-- one so recently coming to this mortal life, and the other so close to leaving it. Nursing homes sometimes monopolize on this by having a child care center in the home, allowing the children to interact with the residents. I worked at such a facility as a college student.

When we first moved back to Colorado, we were able to go to Colorado Springs and visit with my grandparents. Grandpa Wickham was old and living with Alzheimer's Disease. I don't really think he knew who I was as we visited. But he was drawn to my daughters. Rebecca was 3 years old and Miriam was 18 months old. It was amazing to watch as Grandpa and Miriam reached out for each other. He sat holding her while she snuggled up to him. My father and I hovered around Grandpa, ready to catch her if Grandpa dropped her. But he didn't. It was evident that he loved her and felt a connection to her, even though this was only the second time he had seen her. My grandfather passed away a little less than a year later, so this is a cherished memory for me.

School's Out

Yesterday was the last day of school. It seems the time flies by now that I am an adult and my children are the ones in school. But I remember distinctly as an elementary school student having the sure knowledge that I would never be grown up. Hmm. Time passes, that's for sure! Now I see how quickly children really do grow up.

Well, the last week of school is traditionally mostly fun and little work. This was no exception. Rebecca had her awards ceremony on Wednesday morning. She got an award for Academic Excellence. After the awards ceremony, the kids all had a picnic lunch at the park by the Fort Lupton Recreation Center. Then there were lots of fun activities for them to do. Mostly Rebecca played on the playground and jumped in the Jumping Castle. She was worn out at the end of the day. Thursday was the last day of school. They had a field day in the morning, complete with relay races and ball throws. Then the school had a pizza lunch together. Finally, Rebecca's class and one other class had ice cream sundaes to finish off the school year. We were all glad there were no tornadoes this year!

Now I have a second grader and a kindergartner. It is amazing how fast these years of childhood are passing-- for me, at least!

Look Who's Two!

Today Joseph became a big 2 year old! He is growing up and changing so much. He is going through a time when his personality is really blossoming. Here are a few characteristics that make up this cute 2-year-old.

• TV Watcher: Joseph loves to watch TV. I'd say perhaps he is addicted. Now, he only gets to watch one children's show in the morning. For a while, he always wanted to watch Dora, but then I decided that we needed to stick to the more "educational" shows when he was watching. So now he loves Barney, and Big Bird will do if nothing else is available. He knows that while I'm making dinner, Dad watches the news. So Joseph will find Jack and say, "News, news!" when he wants to watch TV in the afternoon.



• Shoe Wearer: I think every child goes through the phase where they want to put on shoes all the time. Joseph loves to wear everyone else's shoes! We went to Payless to get summer sandals a few weeks ago, and Joseph was in shoe heaven! I tried to put away some of the shoes he got out, but we still left quite a mess for the employees.


• Belly Button Finder: Joseph is obsessed with his belly button. He hates wearing onesies because they cover up his tummy. He has even figured out that if he pulls on them hard enough, they will come unsnapped. He can also unzip his pajamas to get to his belly button.


• Singer and Dancer: Joseph loves to sing songs. When I put him to bed, I always sing "I am a Child of God" to him. Now he sings along. It is so sweet. He also loves to do action songs like "Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes." When we have music on, he will spin and sway to the music. Tonight while we were singing "Happy Birthday" to him, he was swaying back and forth in his chair!

• Book Reader: Joseph will find a story book and sit looking at the pages by himself. He will also bring a book to me and sit on my lap to get me to read it to him. I am glad he is developing a love for books!


• Word Sayer: Joseph is finally starting to really increase his vocabulary. Today some of the words he said were cold, Mickey, door, cheese, and no. He is also starting to put two words together, but they aren't your typical "more milk" utterances. No, he has said, "Slide whee!" and "Joseph eat." (I don't think Dora, Dora, Boots counts...)


• Treat Eater: Joseph loves to have treats. We let the kids have one treat after dinner, and he will point at the cupboard where we keep the candy and say, "Treat!" Tonight he was so cute eating his cupcake. He really gets into his sugar!
  
  
• Joy Bringer: Joseph brings light and joy into our lives and our home. I am so grateful to have him!

Perspective

I have been experiencing some problems with my left shoulder. I will do some funny motion (you know, like swimming or weightlifting) and it will start acting up. I experience pain and limited range of motion. It takes 6 to 8 weeks, and then the pain goes away and I can move it again, until I do something else to exacerbate the problem.

Yesterday I had my first visit with the orthopedic surgeon to determine what I can do to get rid of the pain. He took x-rays and did a standard exam. His feeling was that I have an inflamed bursa (the cushion between the joint and the bone in the shoulder). So he prescribed some exercises, ibuprofen, and a shot of cortisol into my shoulder. The shot was a little painful and a strange sensation, but nothing too bad.

That changed as the painkiller in the shot itself wore off. I went from being almost back to normal to feeling like I am at the height of a flare-up. Last night after I got my ibuprofen and had an ice pack on my shoulder, I was reading a blog written by a woman who, a year ago, was a typical stay-at-home mom with 4 children. Last fall she was in a small airplane crash and was burned over most of her body. Now her blog has shifted from the antics of normal life to the struggles she faces daily to function and return to her life as a mother. In her latest post, she talked about the chronic pain she faces, her desire to run with her children, and ends with her faith that God has a plan for her. I was inspired.

Now I don't believe that God has a priority list of everyone and how difficult their challenges are, with His help going to those who have greater problems and those of us with smaller problems have to wait, thank you. No, I believe that if something is a big deal to me, no matter how inconsequential to anyone else, God is concerned and will help me. But reading about her struggles reminded me of how blessed I am. I can walk and run. I can hold my children and put them to bed. I can cook dinner and do the dishes. I can clothe myself and do the laundry. How blessed I am for this amazing body God has given me! I am grateful for a little perspective.

Gardening

For Family Home Evening this week, we planted our garden. The kids had a lot of fun digging in the dirt. They also enjoy helping pick out what we will plant. Our little garden isn't really big enough to provide us with enough produce to feed our family, but it provides the great opportunity to teach us several lessons.

For me, the biggest lesson the garden teaches me is perseverance. I do great at getting motivated in the spring to pick out some crops and plant them. I even enjoy doing this. But as the summer gets hotter and the weeds get more numerous, I lose interest in maintaining the garden. I need to learn to stick with it and do the work the whole summer!

For the kids, there are many lessons I hope they will learn from having a garden.

• Ye reap what ye sow. Looking at the package of peas, you see a picture of peas. You expect to get peas and not watermelon. This simple lesson is vitally important not just for gardens, but for life. When we plant the seeds of obedience, faith, and love, we reap the blessings that come with following the Lord. When we plant the seeds of disobedience and discord we reap disappointment, sorrow and heartache. I hope they learn this lesson young!



• Patience. We just planted our seeds Monday, and already Rebecca has had to check the garden for the young plants. Even though the seeds germinate in the short time of 8 days, patience is required to see the plants. In life, they need to understand that most good things do not come immediately. We must be patient as we wait for God's timetable to be evident.



• Perseverance. We need to keep up on the garden to harvest anything but weeds. In life, the children need to work through the challenges and enjoy the good times, waiting for their ultimate reward.



• Work. There is no such thing as a free lunch! To reap the benefits of the garden, we must do the work necessary to enjoy the fruits. If the work is done by others, we don't understand the true joy of the finished product.

Even though gardening isn't a passion in my life, we still plant one and try to enjoy the process of learning together through working the soil.

BFFs

Yesterday was Rebecca's first school talent show. Anna, Lily and Rebecca sang a song during the show. Now this is not just any song. This song was written by Anna and the girls came up with the actions and outfits they would wear. The song is entitled, "BFFs, Best Friends Forever". They were so cute, and I think they did a great job, especially for being in first grade!

A First

Rebecca has been in school for two years now. I am interested in what she is doing-- she spent 5 years of her life around me 24/7, and now she spends more of her waking hours at school than she does with me! So nearly every day after school I ask what she learned, did, who she played with, etc. Now I am sure this is a typical thing for a mother to do. However, you would think that I were asking her to walk on hot coals or willingly submit to a tonsillectomy! I frequently receive as a response rolled eyes, huffy sighs, or mouthy responses.

You can imagine my surprise when tonight as I am making dinner, Rebecca comes up to me and says, "Guess what I did in school today!" and proceeds to tell me about the math test she took. She even told me details about what types of questions were asked (some machine something, math triangles-- whatever happened to addition and subtraction!) and how long it was. Then a few minutes later she told me, "Oh, we had a reading test, too. We read a book about how animals help people and had to answer questions." Then she told me all about how horses, dogs and monkeys can help people. Amazing. It was wonderful to have her willingly respond to my interest in her day at school! I hope to have many such conversations in the future.

Princess or Witch?

Recently Miriam has been playing princesses. She and Rebecca are princesses, Joseph is a prince, Jack is the king and I am the queen. She has a "royal throne' on the couch to sit in, and wraps a blanket around herself as part of her princess attire. My favorite part of this little game is that whenever the queen tells you to do something, she replies, "Yes, your Majesty!" And she does it! Amazing. She also wants to be called Princess Miriam, and you respond with "Yes, your Majesty" to her as well.

Saturday night (remember that is the night before Mother's Day) I gave the girls baths. After their baths, Rebecca got out her chap stick. I didn't think much of it, but then she started to put it on really thick. I told her it was fine, but that she would have to wash it off her face. Next thing I know, she has used it as face paint to color her eyebrows and nose. I took it away from her and finished getting Miriam out of the bath. While Miriam was drying off, I left the bathroom for a minute, and when I returned, her face was also painted. Miriam then proceeded to tell me and Rebecca, "We're not princesses, we're witches! We have to capture all the princesses and put them in the dungeon!" It was one of those times when I wanted to laugh, but I had just gotten them out of the bath and the blue didn't come off all the way!

Mother's Day

Today was Mother's Day. I had a nice day with my little family. Here is a snapshot of our Mother's Day.

I slept in until 6:40! Wow. I hurried and got in the shower so we could get ready for church in time. I had to experiment with a new hairdo since my blow dryer died and I haven't been able to replace it yet.

I got the children dressed and ready for church. The kids made me cute cards using construction paper and pipe cleaners. I loved them! I experimented with their hairstyles so I can be ready for doing something cute for Robert's wedding. We managed to get out of the house a few minutes after 8:30.
We had a nice service at church. The lesson in Young Women's was on temple marriage. It's always a good reminder of what this is all for! There were good talks in sacrament meeting on Mothers (I'm sure-- but mostly I was trying to occupy children!). The Primary sang, and it was so sweet to see my two girls up there smiling at me as they sang about mothers.

After lunch, I took a nap! It was so nice. When I got up, I spent time with the kids reading stories (The Littlest Dinosaur 3 times to Miriam, Beauty and the Beast to Rebecca, and I Can Do it Myself to Joseph). I also got on the computer and worked on some family history. When I went back into the kitchen, Joseph was chewing on something as he was digging through the trash can. We will all pretend that what he had in his mouth didn't come from the trash can. I gave him a snack.

Jack cooked me a nice steak dinner on the grill and some yummy brownies.

I had a wonderful Mother's Day!

Brown Sugar

We eat oatmeal for breakfast quite often. My kids like it and ask for it. We like to eat it with milk and brown sugar. Most days the girls take twice (or more) as long to eat as I take. So I will go upstairs and continue on with my preparations for the day while they finish eating. Inevitably, if I have left the bag of brown sugar on the table and left the room, when I return I will find Miriam trying to hide the fact that she has been eating the brown sugar straight from the bag.

I must confess, while this is not the best food to eat, she comes by it honestly. I remember as a kid sneaking into the pantry and getting out the brown sugar. I would eat it plain straight from the bag. Mmm. That rich, sweet flavor! Life couldn't get much better than that. Now, I thought I was so sneaky. My mom never mentioned this little habit I had. But as a mother, I really don't think there is any way she didn't know someone was eating the brown sugar. It isn't cheap and we must have gone through a lot of it!

A New Skill

Joseph has learned an important new skill. He has learned how to open doorknobs all by himself. Now, this is a vital life skill to be able to function in the world. I am glad he is learning to be more independent. However, this new skill is presenting me with some new challenges, like keeping him in the house, out of the toilet, and out of the cereal boxes. I know, I could invest in a package of those knob covers they sell in the baby section. But those are possibly more troublesome than an almost-2-year-old learning how the world works! So for now, I am locking doors to the outside (he can't reach the lock yet, and hopefully once he can, he will understand the importance of staying inside when Mommy is inside!) and distracting him from the excitement of other doors that are better kept closed!

Strike a Pose!

While we were at Disneyland, we only got a few pictures of Miriam smiling nicely at the camera. Either she was looking at something more interesting than Mom or Dad holding a camera, or she was posing for the picture. Here are some of her more interesting poses.

Maybe she'll be a model!

Quest to be Fit

Rebecca's school has an annual mile-long run. It is to help encourage healthy living. I believe that things like this are really important, and would be more effective if they happened more often than once a year! I was able to go and run with Rebecca. It was a lot of fun to see her interact with her friends and try her best. After running with her, I decided she needs to learn about pacing. She would run really fast and then be exhausted and walk for a while. Then we would start the process over. But she always would run when we were going downhill!

This is Rebecca getting ready for the race. That is her teacher, Mrs. Rigali, in the background.

This is Rebecca worn out after she ran down the hill.

This is Rebecca and her friend Shelby at the end of the race. They ran nearly the whole time together.

Swine Flu

We watch the evening news. It is a time for Jack to unwind, and the kids get a little taste of current events. There has been extensive coverage of the swine flu. Last night as we were eating dinner, the kids were concerned about the swine flu-- what is it, how do you get it, why is it in Mexico, what is swine, etc. So we had a good discussion about how this isn't something they need to worry too much about, that they just need to be really good about washing their hands and taking good care of themselves. Then they also asked why it was called swine flu, so we discussed how animals could get sick like people, but normally people don't get the same illnesses as animals, but this time the pigs gave the flu to people. Our bodies didn't know how to deal with it, so people are getting really sick.

And then this morning, I got this picture in an email from my Aunt. I just about died laughing!

How to get the Swine Flu: